


Ourselves Alone

by lovesickplesiosaur



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Depression, Drug Addiction, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sleepy Sex, Surrogate Siblings, long talks, shy kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-10 11:43:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4390547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesickplesiosaur/pseuds/lovesickplesiosaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After another great battle, Vanessa Ives and Doctor Frankenstein must now come to terms with their losses. It won’t be easy, but sometimes tortured souls find peace in unexpected places.<br/>[Set after the events of S2E10]<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Quiet

**Author's Note:**

> There's nowhere near enough fanfiction about this pairing so I took it upon myself to write some much-needed fluff :)

Three knocks at the door summoned Victor Frankenstein out of sleep. Sprawled on his bed, he fluttered his grey eyelids and understood that it was daylight. More than this- whether it was morning or afternoon, for instance- was impossible for him to tell. For the last week, perhaps, Victor had been in a constant state of lethargy; only stirring for morphine, toilet breaks and to occasionally touch himself. He wasn’t planning on interrupting this particular nap in order to socialise. So he pulled the blankets further up over himself and lay still.

Within the space of a few months his drug usage had almost doubled. He concluded this was likely due to the stress of his occupation, though maybe towards the end Lily had something to do with it. And without a doubt she’d been the cause of this relapse into what felt like an endless psychological abyss.

Another three knocks. A muffled voice from the corridor: “Doctor? It’s Miss Vanessa Ives.” Slowly Victor opened his eyes. If it had been anyone other than her outside, he probably wouldn’t budge. But Miss Ives had been so kind to him lately, the least he could do was acknowledge her presence. Very gradually, the doctor found the strength to pull himself upright. He let his bare feet drop to the floorboards and then limped toward the door.

Opening it, he saw her stood neatly in a Brunswick green dress and black coat, looking very out of place against the creaking staircase and dirty walls of the tenement building. “Good morning,” Vanessa nodded, doing her best to hide her surprise at his unkempt condition. “It’s good to see you, Doctor.”

Victor just sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Please, come in,” he said.

After they’d stepped inside and Victor offered her a seat, he returned to his bed and sat hunched over, facing Vanessa. “I came by for a bit of company. I’m all alone at Grandage Place now, you see,” she explained. “Sir Malcolm has gone to return our friend Sembene to Africa.”

“And Mr Chandler?” Victor asked, his voice hoarse.

Vanessa paused for a while before she could answer. “He is seeking refuge from who he is,” she declared simply. Pained acceptance showed on her face. Victor said nothing. “Forgive me for mentioning, Doctor, but you don’t look yourself today,” Miss Ives admitted, glancing at his messy hair, his pale wasted face, his thin frame dressed in thinner pyjamas.

“No. I’m not well,” he croaked.

“What’s the treatment?”

“It’s not that sort of illness.” The doctor’s eyes fell to the ground.

Vanessa leaned in close, catching his gaze. “Your cousin, I daresay?” she whispered. Victor looked down again and sniffed, giving the smallest of nods. “When did you last eat something?” her tone was one of concern.

He pondered for a moment. “I don’t remember,” he replied.

“Well,” she exclaimed, getting up. “Why don’t I make you something?” Victor felt guilty for treating his guest like a servant. But then again, he had the strength neither to cook for himself, nor to refuse her offer. So he accepted.

Once Vanessa had finished preparing a vegetable stew from whatever she could find on the shelves, she put some into a bowl and walked over to where Victor was now in bed, reading (or at least attempting to). “Thank you, Vanessa,” he said shakily, as she handed it to him. He put the book aside and he rested the bowl on his lap.

“What is it you’re reading?” Miss Ives enquired, retrieving the book from where it was put on the bedside table. The doctor was looking down and concentrating hard on closing his fingers around his spoon.

“Shelley,” he said passively.

“Ah, of course,” Vanessa raised an eyebrow, opening it on a folded-down page.

 _The fountains mingle with the river,_  
_And the rivers with the ocean;_  
_The winds of heaven mix forever_  
_With a sweet emotion;_  
_Nothing in the world is single;_  
_All things by a law divine_  
_In another's being mingle--_  
_Why not I with thine?_

Peering up again, she saw Victor still failing to pick up his cutlery and hold it there. She observed sadly. After a few long seconds she asked, “Would you like me to help you?” 

Victor looked at her miserably. “Please. I’m sorry,” he confessed. His muscles were now suffering the consequences of opiate abuse. While withdrawal caused muscle tremors, overdose could restrict movement to the point of paralysis. Frankenstein thought back to his work with Professor Van Helsing. “You have steady hands”, the man had told him. Not anymore, he thought.

So Miss Ives sat on the side of the bed, and seemingly without bother, took the spoon herself and fed him, like a child. It was only upon the first mouthful that Victor realised how hungry he was. “Mm,” he nodded, gesturing for more.

“Is that nice?” Vanessa smiled, giving him another spoonful. Victor decided his enthusiastic eating would be all the answer she needed.

When the whole thing was finished, he yawned and leaned back on the pillow. “Maybe you should rest,” suggested his companion. “I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“What for?”

“Friendship. Company. More cooking,” Miss Ives chuckled, standing up and tucking the doctor into bed. He tilted his head in confusion. 

“Why are you so willingly doing this for me?”

“I find that helping others helps me in return. We only have each other left, Doctor, so we must support one another as best we can,” she assured him. “Now, I’ll see you in a day’s time, and we can talk about this illness of yours.” With that, Vanessa turned to leave, her footsteps somehow soft on the solid wood beneath. She bid him a good day, and the peeling green door closed with a creak behind her. And it was quiet again.


	2. The Deadliest Affliction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter's so short! It's mainly just for explanation/elaboration of canon plot points etc. (Also it's set the day after Chapter One if that isn't clear). Update coming soon :D

“I thought I should stop at the market on my journey here,” Miss Vanessa told him as she put some groceries down on the table. “To get you a few things.”

“That’s very kind,” Victor remarked. He got up from the bed and walked unsteadily over, peering into the pair of brown paper bags. The usual food items mostly. But what was that? Reaching inside one of the bags, he pulled out two tiny vials, shimmering slightly in the colours of the morning. Unmistakably morphine. “Hold on. How did you know where to get these?” he asked, puzzled.

“I have my ways,” came the response. “Did you sleep well last night?”

Victor hardly knew what it meant to sleep well anymore.  “Eh. It could have been worse, I suppose,” he shrugged.

Once all the shopping had been put away, Vanessa sat herself next to the doctor. There was silence for a little while. Then she spoke. “Now. Would you like to tell me what happened? With Lily?”

Victor found his eyes stinging at even the mention of the name. “She broke my heart,” he mumbled. “That’s all you need to know.”

“She doesn’t love you?” Vanessa asked him.

“Far from it,” he chuckled sadly. It visibly hurt him to say it. “She _hates_ me. She’s always hated me.” Miss Ives found this hard to credit- why, Lily had seemed like such a sweet girl- but then again, first impressions can be diabolically misleading. She had no way of knowing what really happened between them behind closed doors. “All of this is my fault,” he continued. “If I’d never developed feelings for her I wouldn’t be in such a mess. I never meant to fall for her.”

Vanessa nodded in sympathy. From past conversations, and experiences, she knew of this man’s long-standing repression issues surrounding sexuality. “Maybe knocking down those walls around your heart was for the best,” she advised.

“That’s what I thought at the time. When I was convinced she loved me back. But no, I was foolish. And now the walls can’t be rebuilt.” He looked at her. “I’m left vulnerable to these longings I can’t fulfill.”

Vanessa furrowed her brow. “So you suffer from a broken heart," 

“The deadliest affliction of all,” Victor sighed, almost fearful. In this lighting, the young doctor appeared no older than a boy, eyes blue as ice and skin so pale; so fragile.

“There’s only one thing for it then. I am going to nurse you back to health,” Vanessa said quietly. “Or at least...give you the strength to do it yourself.” She stroked his hand and he said nothing. “Starting today. Together, we’ll sort out your diet and your sleep schedule. And ration your medicine,” she insisted.

Victor just blinked at her, bewildered by this woman’s stubborn selflessness. “Alright,” he agreed, and found his fingers interlocking with hers. He was starting to believe maybe his life wasn't completely ruined after all.


	3. Empty Space

About a week had passed since Miss Ives first went to see Doctor Frankenstein. Over that time, she’d been visiting almost every day, helping him go about a decent life, and he’d gotten stronger because of it- but when she stepped into his apartment today, something came as a surprise. “Doctor!” Vanessa exclaimed. “You’re dressed.”

“It would appear,” he replied, “I found the energy to change clothes this morning.”

“So you’re feeling better.”

“Physically, at least.” Victor huffed. His eyes were still drained and dull, but his cheeks were looking fuller already. “In fact, with some help I think I could manage an outing later on. For a change of scenery,”

“Where to?” Vanessa asked with genuine curiosity.

“I don’t know. I rather hoped you’d accompany me,” the doctor confessed.

Vanessa took a few steps toward him. “Now that you mention it, how would you like to come and stay with me? At Grandage Place,” she suggested. “It would save me having to journey over here every morning. And now I’m by myself, there’s a lot of empty space that needs filling. All those great echoing halls can get lonely at times.”

“For how long?” Victor asked.

“As long as you’d like,” she responded.

“That doesn’t sound a bad idea,” said Victor, who much preferred the thought of trying to get over Lily in a large comfortable house rather than in a flat he could never keep clean. He managed a tiny smile, though it faded pretty much instantly. “Just let me fetch my bag,” he told her, approaching the little brown stairwell opposite the fireplace. Disappearing for a few moments, he returned with a leather suitcase. Vanessa saw he was short of breath from carrying it and offered to help him pack. Victor accepted, expressing his gratitude, because despite his embarrassment he knew it would be pointless and ultimately harder for him if he declined her favour.

\---

Soon, they were sitting opposite one another in a carriage on the way to the mansion. The light was dim in here, which brought a kind of security to them both. Victor listened to the soft rhythm of the horses' hooves in front; watched the evening shadows as they danced on Vanessa’s face. When she met his eye, however, he quickly averted his gaze, and instead looked out of the window at the never-ending rows of shop windows and large grey paving stones leaving them behind. With Miss Ives’ support he’d regained the steadiness in his feet which days spent inside, overindulged on sedatives, had taken from him.

“It’s clinical depression,” he muttered.

“I’m sorry?”

“The illness. In case you hadn’t guessed.” There was a pause.

“You have past experience with such a condition?” A subtle frown appeared on Vanessa's brow.

Victor nodded. “Years ago. Around the time I received my medical degree. The world just seemed to... _stop turning_.” He gulped audibly. Memories of that period of his life were painful to evoke.

“But you recovered.”

“Yes,” Victor mumbled.

“So you can do it again,” Vanessa reassured him. She leant over and touched his hand briefly.

“What about you?” asked the doctor, seeking a hasty change of subject. “After fighting a battle like that, there must be something I can do. To make it better, I mean.”

Miss Ives smiled gravely. “Being there for me is enough. That, you are doing right now.”

___

When they arrived at Grandage Place, Victor chose where to sleep. Vanessa entered the drawing room to make a small fire, and then climbed the grand wooden staircase to assist her friend unpacking. By the time she reached him, though, he was almost done. “I’m making some tea,” she told him. “Would you like milk?”

“Yes, please,” came the reply.

“Sugar?”

“Why not.”

She went and approached the door but Doctor Frankenstein stopped her before she could leave. “Miss Ives, I just wanted to thank you. For doing all of this,” he said shyly. “Your kindness is much appreciated; I trust you recognize that.”

A small grin appeared on her lips as she turned back around. “I can honestly say, Doctor...” she smiled, “it’s my utmost pleasure.”


	4. Family

Once again he rolled over and found his pocket watch on the nightstand. It was now almost half past two o’clock in the morning. Victor would always take a while to get used to an unfamiliar mattress, and until he got used to this one, he would remain awake. That didn’t bother him. He knew how to get by on a small amount of sleep. But, at the same time, it seemed futile to continue to lie there staring at the ceiling. Maybe he should find a book to read, he thought. Sir Malcolm had many.

Squinting his eyes, Victor made his way across the dark room and stepped out into the corridor. The moon was shining through the windows ahead, giving everything a dim eerie glow. Before he could make his way downstairs, however, he noticed the sliver of yellow light below Vanessa’s door. What could Miss Ives be doing awake at this hour? Praying? He tiptoed over and knocked quietly on the door. There was no answer for a few seconds, and then a small “Come in”.

Vanessa was sitting, knees-up in bed, clutching a folded piece of paper resembling a letter of some sort. Her eyes were tinged red, and glistening around the edges. She’d been crying. Victor stood at the door, unsure how to approach the situation. “Vanessa,” he said. “What’s the matter?” He walked closer, stopping beside the bed.

“Oh, Doctor,” she sighed, attempting a cheerful tone. “It’s nothing of your concern. I’ll be fine, I promise you. Why don’t you go back to bed?” Vanessa slid Ethan’s letter under her pillow, unwilling to share it with anyone just yet.

Victor’s eyes darted to the opposite wall, to the floor, and back to her. Comforting others was not usually his forte, but he wasn’t going to give up this easily. “Please,” he insisted, stooping down to make his eyes level with hers. “Tell me what’s wrong.” He brought his arms up and rested them on the side of the bed. Vanessa exhaled reluctantly. “We need to support one another,” he reminded her. “That’s what you said. Remember?”

“Alright,” she nodded. “It’s this house. Since we defeated the witches that night, everything’s changed.” Vanessa thought back to the events at Evelyn Poole’s mansion. The blood, the suffering. Looking into Ethan’s savage eyes- seeing the animal fade and the human come back- seeing how terrified he was of himself and his curses. And then, that painful morning, waking up to find nothing but an envelope. Watching her home grow dark and empty with loss.

“Sir Malcolm has left London. Sembene is no longer with us. And Mr Chandler; I may never see him again.” Vanessa smiled weakly to stop herself crying. She had no way of knowing whether Ethan was even still alive. “I feel as if...I’ve lost my family.”

“Not all of it,” Victor said softly, taking her hand in his. She gazed up into his eyes. “We still have each other.” The hope in his voice was reassuring.

“You’re right, ” Vanessa agreed eventually. “We’re both trying to move on, are we not?” They looked at each other sadly for a while before Victor began to stand up.

“Wait, don’t leave,” Vanessa pleaded, clinging onto his wrist. For some reason she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone again. “Won’t you join me in bed?” she implored him as she shifted her weight, her black locks falling in front of her shoulders. Victor's cheeks flushed at this request. "...To sleep," she confirmed.

“Oh. Of course,” he answered sheepishly.

So Miss Ives moved along to allow the doctor to climb in next to her.  “Could you turn the light off?” she murmured. Victor obliged, reaching over to twist the knob underneath the gas lamp until it went out. Then he set his head down on the pillows, which were more comfortable than those next door. Once his eyes were adjusted to the gloom he realised she was looking right at him.

“It’s going to be okay,” he mumbled into the dark, unsure afterwards whether that was to comfort himself or the woman alongside him.

“Yes,” she whispered back. He felt for her hand under the duvet and wrapped his fingers around hers. Silence for a moment, and all that could be heard was the wind whistling around the chimney stack outside. And then, motivated by something he couldn’t quite put into words, Victor lifted his head and placed a small kiss on her tear-stained cheek. As he lay back down, blinking at her, he tasted salt on his tongue.

Vanessa squeezed his hand to reassure him. He sensed her coming closer, and his heartbeat automatically sped up, but he told himself to relax as he felt her warm breath on his face, because there was nothing wrong with this. Finally Vanessa met his lips with her own and held them there for a few seconds. She expected him to flinch, but he didn’t. Instead, after she’d pulled away, he just lay there wearily, breathing deeply and holding onto her as if he were a young boy clinging to his mother. Neither of them spoke afterwards, but something told Vanessa he’d needed this, whatever “this” was.


	5. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the final chapter. Hope you like it! Things might get a little NSFW so just be prepared.

Coming back to himself, Victor felt the sun’s gentle rays on the back of his eyelids. He’d had dreams last night, he couldn’t quite remember what of, but he knew that (for once) it was something nice. Turning, he saw Miss Ives asleep on the other side of the bed. She was facing into the light with her back to him. What went on between them last night, he hoped, was out of mutual fondness rather than pity- but at this point he was so desperate for affection that he was just thankful it happened at all.

And now as he looked at her, almost silhouetted against the dawn, he just wanted to stay in bed with her and to feel inexplicably safe, as he did now. Victor stretched, rolled over onto his side and moved up behind her. His fingers let themselves run idly through her long black hair. Then, closing his eyes again, he nestled his face in the back of her neck, finding comfort in her warmth and her familiar beauty.

Eventually, Vanessa stirred. “Mm...oh, good morning, Victor,” she yawned, taken aback by his arguable overfriendliness. She saw this as an accomplishment, though. If someone as usually detached and indifferent as Doctor Frankenstein was willing for this level of intimacy, it most likely meant he trusted her. Despite the silliness of it all Victor couldn’t help but blush wordlessly against her skin as he wrapped both arms around her and hugged her from behind.

However, it wasn’t long before Vanessa could sense a different kind of yearning in Victor, something new; something he himself might not even be conscious of. Willing to test this notion, Vanessa reached for his hand that was at her side and pulled it, very gradually, a little further down her body.

She heard him breathe in sharply when he noticed her intentions, but he didn’t shy away from her touch. The two of them froze while Vanessa assessed the situation. “Is this what you want?” she asked somnolently. A moment passed before she felt him nodding. “Yes,” he whispered. Vanessa took a deep breath.

“Then make it happen.”

And so the rest seemed to follow as if it were the most natural thing in the world. 

Victor let go of his hesitation and shuffled closer so that his chest was against her back. Soon, he was trailing small kisses along her shoulders as he let his touch travel lower to stop at the thigh. Vanessa was happy, now, to give her friend everything he wanted.

More lazy kisses behind her ear, at the nape of her neck. Victor pulled her body up against his own while she adjusted herself in the bed to help him lift the skirt of her nightdress. His fingertips traced the outline of her pelvis, feet brushing together somewhere underneath the covers, before he slid down his waistband and then slipped gently inside her.

As Victor started to move, their breaths getting deeper in unison, Vanessa grasped at his hand and held it tightly in front of her chest. “Vanessa-” he murmured, opening his eyes.

“No,” she said. “Don’t talk now.”

Victor complied, letting himself speed up; letting himself feel warm and safe and loved, listening to Vanessa’s sleepy moans as he rocked his hips softly back and forth. 

It became increasingly difficult to control his thought processes, so instead he focused entirely on achieving what felt _right_. He nudged Vanessa’s legs forward with his own, going further in, turning his face into the pillow to muffle the soft unpredictable whines that were escaping his throat.

Here was someone who could accept him, even appreciate him for who he was. Something perhaps nobody else on Earth was capable of. For this reason, he could never afford to lose her. _I can’t ever lose you_. The phrase rippled in his mind, longing to be spoken, but he was too far gone now to articulate words. All he could do was keep moving as every second felt more and more _right_ than the last.

Initially Vanessa had assumed she’d need to finish herself off- however, it seemed the doctor’s anatomical understanding made up for what he blatantly lacked in experience, because before long he was hitting something perfect inside her. She recognized the bliss quickly welling up at the pit of her stomach and it was almost too much for her, this early in the morning. Almost. Victor gasped as he, too, climaxed, clearly struggling to draw air into his lungs. Vanessa shushed him, extending one arm out behind her and stroking a chunk of the boy's hair to calm him down.

When it was over they settled, wheezing quietly, remaining in each other’s tight embrace. The stillness of the morning returned as quickly as it had been broken, and for a moment they were both led to question whether this had all been a dream. 

Victor waited until he decided it was alright to speak. “Vanessa,” he breathed. At this, she turned herself over to face him, palms on his chest, looking at him with a small yawn. “Vanessa,” he repeated.

“Yes, Victor?”

“You are my best friend.”

Tears were forming in Vanessa’s eyes. She smiled, feeling his heartbeat through her fingertips, and listened as London began to wake up outside the window.


End file.
